The Rogue Stitch

From the final round in Washington:

Quick, check her hand; I think she has Persian roots words written on there. She's cheating! Cheater, from the Middle English word eschete; it's a noun. Here, I'll use it in a sentence: writing the answers on your palm makes you a cheater!

So a few days ago, a group of us would-be lawyers made a drinking game out of The World's Deadliest Catch. Crab fishing and drinking beer... funny shit. Naturally, we had to come up with some rules for the spelling bee. Here's how it went:

1. Drink every time some kid tries to spell the word in his/her hand, 2. Drink every time someone misspells a word, 3. Drink every time someone cries. (actually, we expanded rule 1 to include every nervous tick, and rule 3 to include getting choked up.)

I don't remember if we implemented a full beer rule for the kid who faints.

The competition was stiff and the drinking regular with these characters:

I'd have to say the highlight was when the word strategery stumped the competition's MC:

Bush pulled it together, though, and later asked the champ if she could help him spell Ahmadinejad in any future letter to his Persian penpal Mahmoud. He then had this to say after seeing Al Gore's new film.

I think most of the boozers were rooting for the Canadian girl who completely blew it on weltschmerz. At least she took 2nd place with a bit of hoser grace.

We were hoping her fellow Canuck Anqi Dong would make it to the later rounds just so we could hear the announcers say his name over and over again. (hey, it's a spelling bee; we're allowed to degenerate to grade school antics.)

Drink, Anqi, for writing in your hand.

And what, you ask, were the two best words from the competition?

Psittacism: mechanical, repetitive (parrot-like) speech without thought of the meaning of the words spoken .

Heiligenschein: German for light of the holy one and my favorite, of course.

Alright, enough with the spelling bee. What else shall I talk about? Ok, one last bee joke:

Moderator: Your word is "sensuous."

Kid: Sensuous? Can you use it in a sentence?

Moderator: Sensuous up here, why don't you give me your mom's phone number?

Kid: Sensuous. D-U-D-E-T-H-A-T-S-G-R-O-S-S. Sensuous.

In other new, Britney's still spiraling downward. Behold her current state:

Stripper shoes, tattoo on her foot, poorly dyed hair, bright red lipstick... who does she look like all of a sudden? That's right, our favorite crackhead and pill-popper:

Now if only we can get K.Fed to off himself like Kurt. That'll of course rob the music world of another bright talent, but such is how things should and must be.

Speaking of music talent, I ask you, Stitch fans, which rap duo is the best out there? Outkast? Maybe.

Black Star (Mos & Kweli)? Closer.

Actually, the best duo I've heard is made up of Hip-Hop-apotamus & Rhyme-noceros, cuz there ain't no party like my nana's tea party.

So what's the relationship between The Simpsons and college football? Well, supposedly Mr. Burns represents Notre Dame, Smithers Boston College, and Seymour Skinner good ol' Colorado. You can see the rest of the cast--and explanations--here.