Friday, August 31, 2007
From the Great Bar in the Sky:
Peace out, Michael Jackson. I'm not talkin' about the estwhile-black-man-turned-white-shemale pederast here. No, Michael Jackson was the famed English critic dubbed the "Beer Hunter." He died today of a heart attack. Jackson was 65.
Jackson's Great Beer Guide will undoubtedly remain the Bible of the beer world, and it shall always have a presence on my bookshelf. The tome traveled with me to Europe in '01 when I moved to the Continent and served its purpose as I scoured the speciality shops looking for the Belgian whites, lambics, and dunkel weizens that you can't find in the States. My copy is full of labels and good memories--and for that reason I owe Mr. Jackson a profound thank you.
So next time any of you, loyal readers, have the chance, raise a toast to the Beer Hunter and offer him a sláinte, knowing that he's throwing back a few with the Big Guy. God, I'm sure, has one hellava tap room.
Speaking of the Omnipotent Man Upstairs, I came across a funny letter from a priest to his parishoners while I was back on Long Island. The letter reveals a number of answers that Catholic elementary school kids gave on a test. Of course, if you were to ask my parents, they would probably tell you that if they gave the same answer 40 years ago a nun would have beat the shit out of them. Glad to know we can laugh about these now instead. Enjoy:
- In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was joan of ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
- St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do unto you.
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
- The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
- Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
