The Rogue Stitch

From the tiered fields of Cathay:

China came up in two different conversations today--and both had me in stitches when all was said and done.

The first occasion amounted to more of an oblique reference, but dealt with the Far East in general, because I had to explain the difference between the words Oriental and Asian to a couple of crackers (who I will not name at this time, but will gladly reveal upon Congressional request). This led us to conclude that from now on white chicks should be referred to as Occidental to make up for the years spent in ignorance by Westerners.

The second was much more direct, and arose in the context of a vague recollection about a recent article in the news. Turns out that the Chinese Gov't wants to eliminate poor English translations for the 2010 Summer Olympics--ostensibly to help out the invading, um... Occidental crowds, but perhaps more importantly to save face and not come off as a bunch of, um... Asian doofuses. The Communists are cracking down on Chinglish! Aux armes citoyens! Formez vos bataillons! It's off to Tian'anmen Square! Ha. The irony here is that Beijing taxis drivers will have to pass an English test to stay in business. We can't even get that much done in NYC--but I guess that's why the place has flava in the first place.

So, where am I going with all of this? Well, in my research for this piece I came across my new favorite site: http://www.engrish.com/. The name says it all, folks--but the pictures, oh the pictures, are worth all the tea in China.

Any time of year, you can find it here.

Two places I want to ride before I die: Kashmir and the northern island of Japan. I promise not make the skies fall down. But be forewarned: I've been known to make it rain.

Too easy.

I hope the medicine flower chicken nest comes with extra hoisin sauce.

The dainty cyclone vs. a hurricane, and the hurricane's name is Ditka.

Now I'll get up for the elderly, and I don't mind comforting the sick, but I'll be damned if a friggin' crippie is gonna take my seat. those g.d. gravids aren't gettin' it either.

On a side note, the French reserve seats on the metro for members of La Resistance ("anciens combattants"). Another little known fact from Gaul:

ok, back to the East.........

I guess this is where the child molesters throw away their used prophylactics.

Book of Stitch 21:32: And there was much rejoicing in the Sancta Sedes upon discovery of such accommodation for the Church's clergymen in Asia, and even the Bishop of Rome let fly a hallelujah!

Stitch 21:33: But the reaction from the Asian community was less clear, for the world looked to Sandra Oh for guidance and she hath never appeared happy in all of her life.