The Rogue Stitch

From the polling station:

Election Day, hoorah! huzzah! civic duty. functioning Democracy. chocolate-covered ballots. yes on amendment 42, no on amendment 40, maybe on amendment 44.

Well, wasn't that a pissa, a wicked frickin' pissa. That's a picture of me, btw, at the polls. Dare I say I went incognito? Don't want anyone to know that I actually voted for once.

You know, I hate elections. I hate the tv ads. I hate the bully pulpits. I hate the talking heads, the false promises, the fake smiles, the baby kissing, the brown nosing, the holier-than-thou opposition, the idealistic belief in equality, the general nescience of the public, the hanging chads, the Democrats, the Republicans, the bleeding-heart liberals, the bible-thumping bigots, the call for more taxes, the defeat of new taxes, the red states, the blue states, the Green Party, the predictions, the upsets, the landslides, the anti-climatic concession speeches, the signs on the front yard, the bumper stickers that'll stay on for years longer than they should, the whiney losers, the gloating victors, and everything else in between.

A misanthrope like me just wants cheap gas and high-speed internet connection. and maybe a beer.

So what, then, persuaded me to get out and rock the vote? P. Diddy? Naw. It's not a matter of life or death. Plus, do you really think this guy could persuade me to do anything?



Was it activist Paris Hilton?



Despite our shared love of club sandwiches, the only way she could get me out to vote would be in support of an amendment banning her from the airwaves, the tabloids--hell, any media of which you can think. And just to make it constitutional, we'd have to throw in the entire class of harlots corrupting our youths: Lo-hag, Skin-n'-Bones Ritchie, Tara Reid, Ashlee Simpson, and--my fav--Britney Spears. Oh, sorry. Mrs. Federline.

Speaking of K-Fed's better half, guess who lost a court battle yesterday.....yup, good ol' fun bags herself. You see, Britney tried to sue US Weekly after it published a story about the purported existence of a Federline & Co. sex tape. Britney was upset about the claim that she acted all goofy when she sat down and watched the tape with her lawyers. (Britney, goofy?) Kudos to Judge Lisa Hart Cole for tellin' it like it is: "[Spears has] put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye....The backdrop against which this issue must be addressed is that the plaintiff has publicly portrayed herself in a sexual way in her performances, in published photographs and in a reality show.”

Reality show? Oh yeah. The judge probably saw a few of these clips:





The question still remains: who ever decided to give this white trash bitch money? You (and I know you're reading this) obviously have enough to waste, and are therefore indebted to me to the tune of...let's say $150 million.

So, back to the point, what did get me out, then? Had to be this ad:



Doin' it for the kittens.

Speaking of talking heads, Sean Hannity is the devil. He's probably a coward as well for not joining Colmes in the Borat interview (guessing that he didn't want to be ridiculed via the specious naïveté of SBC).

Here's your chance to vote for the best President as portrayed in film or on TV.

This might make you hate politics even more than I do: Hacking Democracy. Watch it before HBO sends a cease-and-desist letter to Google.

And don't forget to watch Fox News tonight to catch all the highlights from today's elections across this great nation. You may catch another freudian slip from Jane Skinner :




Notice how she makes an oblique reference to Shepard Smith's own on-air gaffe:



Ha! uptight neo-cons and their repressed libidos make me laugh.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 07, 2006 at 10:30 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.