The Rogue Stitch

From the jailhouse yard:

Poor Jeff and Kenny Boy. Hope they enjoy the slammer with (what one attorney called) the Priory of Enron.

Hey I wonder if Judge Lake's into alternative punishments.... he could always sick ninjas on the two.

He should definitely not let them watch Will Farrell blooper reels.

From the Plumm on West 14th:

Alright, so without a name, this club would look like just about any other out there. CoolJunkie.com (who comes up with these names?) calls it a cross between Marquee and The Gates. The Gates? Yeah, remember Christo and Jeanne-Claude--they were the ones who put up 26 miles of orange drapes in Central Park last year. ('twas a sublime experience to get caught up in the hoopla. )



Anyway, something special happened at Plumm the other night. A VIP party gathered to celebrate Rosario Dawson's birthday when one G 'n' R frontman met one fashion designer, exchanged words, and the latter (yes, the latter) started throwing punches. Seems Axl Rose moved Tommy Hilfiger's girlfriend's drink and a scuffle ensued. Tommy landed a few blows before his boyguard ushered him out. (Wait, why the fuck does Tommy Hilfiger have a bodyguard? Are these antics common for the designer? Does the fact that most thugged-out white boys wear his clothes mean he can act like a punk?)

Club owner Noel Ashman said that Axl did not retaliate, but would have done "some serious damage" had he chosen to go after Sugar Ray Hilfiger.

Kid Rock saw the whole thing. According to Bob, Tommy was upset 'cause he's lower on the fame food chain. (in case you were wondering, the order goes: mere mortals, Hilfiger, movie stars, rock stars, Michael Jordan.)

Yeah, I'd rather hang with (the original) G 'n' R than these kids any day:



So what else has been happening in the Big Apple? Oh yeah, Britney almost dropped her baby on the street.



Then she started crying:



Then she flashed her thong to bloggers around the world:



Yeah, I love to make fun of Mrs. Federline and her complete lack of class and competency. As they say, you can take the trash out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the trash.

She really has become a circus side show of a mother. Well, ok she's always been part of the circus:



I wonder if Britney would have made a good cheerleader..............

Getting back to Jeanne-Claude and Christo, the dynamic duo has spoken about their latest plan to cover a river in Canyon City, Colorado. Let's hope it happens before 2009 so I can catch another show.

Alright, so I left you last time with the history of dance. Hopefully, some of you recognized that part of that performance came from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Here's one of the funniest scenes you'll ever see.

From a cryogenics center near you:

The Stitch has thawed, ladies and gentlemen. Shady's back; return of the mack; les cent jours viennent; here I am again. Hopefully some of you missed the words of wit, wisdom, and whatever else you need. You know what they say about taking a rock away from a crackhead....

Of course, this means that exams are over and that I survived the first year of law school. Hard to believe that I am one step closer to being able to sue your asses on my own. Jt Castleton, Esquire. Sounds nice, doesn't it?

So plenty happened during my hiatus--plenty on which I would love to comment. But where to begin? Might as well start with these three:



Shame on Dan Brown for ripping off Baigent & Leigh's Holy Blood, Holy Grail. Shame on Tom Hanks for growing his hair out. Shame on Amelie for associating such a pretty smile with such a disappointing adaptation.

So the controversy surrounding The Da Vinci Code is rather ridiculous. I'm guessing the Catholic uproar is a ploy of self-promotion from Opus Dei. Reverse psychology. Y-G-O-L-O-H-C-Y-S-P. Either that or the Dei is trying to put out a fire by throwing petrol on the flames. As I said, ridiculous.

Jesus and Mary Magdalene? That ho? Come on now, we all know that Jesus would have married the hottest Jewish chick out there. Da Vinci knew it too:



(that's Natalie Portman in there, if you couldn't tell.)

I wonder if Ratzinger's going to see the film. Probably not--I heard he recently came down with the bird flu.

Yeah, the pope got it from a cardinal.



What else, what else. Iraq seems to be a hot topic. Saddam won't enter a plea in his trial. Sunnis and Shiites are picking up where the Hatfields and McCoys left off. Fallujah's living up to its namesake (Syriac Pallugtha, meaning division). Choppers are going down like interns in the White House, circa 1997; like Bush's present-day approval ratings; like the Detroit Pistons after 'Sheed's game 4 guaranty.

But is Iraq really that bad? Hey, if our troops have enough time (and Jell-O) to put out a video for Lazy Ramadi, then one has to wonder about the state of affairs over there. (don't forget fishing in Afghanistan with a rocket launcher.)

Plus, Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch has resorted to picking on Al-Zarqawi's choice of footwear. In related news, New Balance shares were up Thursday, on word of higher sales forecasts in the Middle East. Meanwhile, Nike released its newest ad campaign in Baquba yesterday:



What else? Well, Jack Bauer is still trying to save the world on 24. Apparently, after taking on President Logan and Russian separatists, Jack went after a Christmas Tree.

Britney Spears also announced that she's preggers, again. Shoot her for breeding; shoot me for using the word "preggers" like some D-list celeb commentator on Extra!



Oh God, big sunglasses, a cigarette and Uggs....Britney's dressing like a CU undergrad. Surely these are signs of the Apocalypse. (Click here for more on Mrs. PopoZao, and note the message on her trucker hat. Click here for James Lipton reading the lyrics to K.Fed's master-piece-of-shit on Conan O'Brien.)

Alright, then; the Stitch is back. I leave you now with the evolution of dance.