The Rogue Stitch

From Bangaan Village, Ifugao Province, northern Luzon Island:

Alright, so I would be thrilled to see the Banaue Rice Terraces at some point in my lifetime. But it turns out that a menace threatens the 2,000 yr-old site.

Behold, the hostem humani generis:



Yes, the earthworm. The dastardly denizen of the deep who delves down into the dark depths of the dank soil beneath our dearly beloved terraces to digest soil and destroy. Cursed be his kind.

Others would like to blame the gimmicks of ecotourism for the deterioration of this UNESCO World Heritage site. I don't know; that slimy fish-fodder up there may look harmless, but I'll bet you anything that it harbors a profound hatred of my travel plans.

So, I may just have to settle on China. (btw, I hope y'all are recovering from the New Year celebrations.) The terraces there don't look too bad:







Yeah, if you like these shots you might want to check out the photography of Yann Arthus-Bertrand, who compiled hundreds for UNESCO in Earth from Above. Fills up space on a coffee table rather nicely. Great no-brainer gift for a significant other as well. (my advice: save it for back-up contingency plan in case of last-minute necessity.)

From 中華民國 I think:

Happy Chinese New Year, y'all. Break out the bubbly and the fireworks. It's technically 4703 if you're not counting count from birth of El Niño--and the Year of the Dog.


Supposedly the Dog year and those under its influence are protectors of morals and defenders of the weak.


For the watchful Dog keeps us one step ahead of those who would harm us.


And which celebrities find themselves under the influence of the Dog?



Madonna
G.W. Bush
Cher
Michael Jackson
Ralph Nader
V.I. Lenin
Elvis
Liza Minelli
Bill Clinton

Wow, it is not crazy how well this list divides itself nicely between protectors of morals and defenders of the weak? Freaky deaky.

Turns out I was born a monkey.


People born in the Year of the Monkey are the erratic geniuses of the cycle. Clever, skillful, and flexible, they are remarkably inventive and original and can solve the most difficult problems with ease. There are few fields in which Monkey people wouldn’t be successful.



The Monkey list:

Tom Selleck
Johnny Cash
Leonardo da Vinci
Lord Byron
Harry S. Truman

Good company. Me and Magnum.

Alright, so in honor of the holiday, I've put together a collection of video clips from the Far East. Marco...

...Polo.

First up, this well-known duo (and repeat post) w/ a hit from the Brokeback Boys:



Then we have this pair of lychee nutty cats from Cathay:



The black & white lip sync team:



A song & dance routine from some tourists:



And a clip from Fasion Week ('cause Weijie deserves some air time):



再见我的朋友

From a rink somewhere in Seoul:

Even monkeys who ice skate are wearing fur-trimmed coats these days. Put some Uggs and a pair of big white glasses on that simian and it might just be able to pass for a CU Sophomore.



Who got ya?!

Hey, if anyone out there can find video of this monkey doin' its thang, please let me know. I was charged with finding the clip...

but this was all I could find--and it's rather sad, if you ask me. While I do make fun of PETA on a regular basis, I see why the organization could prove useful on occasion.

Naturally, there are legitimate ways to exploit animals--specifically for my amusement.

Behold, cat helmets.








This is what's known as the Feline Protection and Enhancement System. Militarizing pussies since 1985.

Hey gato, quisiera una cerveza, por favor.

And the system seems to be in high demand, with instructions on the web on how to design your own customized F.P.E.S.



Why do I feel like this cat might be German? Die scheisse ist Banane!















Right.

From a Colorado I will never know:

Hey, remember when the Russians and Cubans landed in Calumet, CO? Yeah, they just dropped by one day right in the middle of history class and all we had to resist them with was that chick from Back to the Future (who was the natural choice since she had that whole revolutionary/freedom fighter look going on). Kinda like Goonies meets Apocalypse Now, right?



Oh yeah, and we had the dirty dancer herself, Ferris Bueller's sister, Jennifer Grey:



Yup. Red Dawn. Great movie. First one to get a PG-13 rating. All-star cast. Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Charlie Sheen, the two aforementioned ladies, Powers Boothe of Deadwood fame.



So get this: 5 parachutists were blown off course in shooting the opening scene. One of them, Jim Fisher, wound up stuck in a tree and had to plead for his life with the locals 'cause they thought he was a veritable Russian soldier. Way to go, Comrade.

My favorite quote from the movie:

Jed Eckert: ...Well, who is on our side?
Col. Andy Tanner: Six hundred million screaming Chinamen.
Darryl Bates: Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen.
Col. Andy Tanner: There were.



So, there's a reason for bringing up this relic of a film from the bygone days of the Reagan era. No, I don't harbor any remnants of Cold War paranoia.

It's this video of an Oklahoma Full Auto Shoot. And by "full auto" the director means fully automatic machine guns with which to blow shit up. Judging by the age of the featured participant, I highly doubt a Red Dawn scenario could ever play out on our soil. Enjoy.

From a street somewhere in Trento:

So a pack of anti-globalization I-talians briefly stole the Olympic torch today. The self-styled "Disobedient Ones" grabbed the thing 'cause nothing says NO to the exploitatory tactics of free trade agreements and imported venture capitalism like disrupting a celebration of global harmony, goodwill and respect. Here's the kicker: they took it from Eleonora Berlanda, an I-talian track star. Her job is to outrun people and she can't get away from a couple of dirty hippie idealists? Ridiculous. I expect as much from Grandma Guiseppa (above) with her hip and all, but come on now, Eleonora-- you're better than that.

What a heist. Second only to when Gutter snagged the 'bee. Whaaa?



PCU. The old-school Old School. Piven pre-hair plugs. Ironically, Gutter, aka Jon Favreau, snagged the 'bee from the dirty hippie idealists. Alright.



So, in the spirit of lashing back at the those who think half-baked acts of social disturbance are the best way to get their message across, let's try to piss PETA off here.







Awwwwww.... puppies and kittens. I'll take my puppy with cheesy pickles, no bun seeds--per Dane Cook. (sorry, it's the G-rated CC version.) Big up to the BK Lounge.



Hey, did you ever hear about the time Chuck Norris brought a lamb back to life with a gentle beard rub? He then snapped its neck, saying, "The good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away."

Who would have thought that SNL could come up such great material this season? Two words: Lazy Sunday. Chronic + Narnia + Whitey Ford = Wet Pants. Try the 7 yr-old version as well.



I wonder if Chuck can play air guitar like G.O.B......



L8er sk8ers.

From Bardonecchia, Italy:

Fine wine, mountain vistas, rustic charm, raven-haired women, boarder cross and halfpipe finals. Alpine heaven. Turin's down the road.

NBC's calling it Torino, as if John C. Oklahoma speaks I-talian and would be offended to hear the anglicized version of the name. Guess they'll reference Muenchen this summer with the World Cup. right.

No matter. Bardonecchia's the place to be. 2/12 for the pipe; 2/16 for the bx.



VT--by way of Ross Powers (below) and Kelly Clark--made two golden appearances in SLC. Let's hope the Virdis Montis faction carries the US through the games once again for bragging rights.



2002 finals
1 USA Powers, Ross 46.10, 32.00, 46.10
2 USA Kass, Danny 42.50, 41.50, 42.50
3 USA Thomas, J.J. 33.20, 42.10, 42.10
4 Italy Kratter, Giacomo 34.90, 42.00, 42.00
5 Japan Nakai, Takaharu 38.30, 40.70, 40.70
6 USA Czeschin, Tommy 40.60, 40.50, 40.60
7 Finland Sorsa, Heikki 36.80, 40.40, 40.40
8 Finland Koski, Markku 39.00, 25.40, 39.00
9 Canada Andrew, Trevor 30.30, 38.60, 38.60
10 Norway Franck, Daniel 29.20, 37.40, 37.40

If not for the VT locals, I'd be backing the Norwegians.

Daniel Franck, the legendary enfant terrible of the snowboarding world:



One of my favorite boards of all time was Df's first K2 pro model. I rode it into the ground. A couple of the K-town OGs will remember how well that board treated me.

Btw, there's irony in Df's olympic appearances. Franck started the Arctic Challenge with fellow Norwegian Terje Håkonsen. This man is the name in snowboarding. There is no other. 3 ISF halfpipe championships, 3 US Open halfpipe championships (which I witnessed), 5 European halfpipe championships, et cetera et cetera et cetera. Terje chose to boycott the games after the IOC selected FIS (Fédération Internationale de Ski) to handle qualification rather than ISF (International Snowboard Federation). We're talking Hatfield-McCoy wrong here. And yet Daniel went along with it.

Then there's Norwegian freestyle (moguls) gold medalist Kari Traa. Hello. You don't exactly have the Michelle Kwanesque wholesome look going on, do you?



Oh, wait. There it is.



Damn. So, get this. I used to work with this man, Finn Christian Jagge. Another Norwegian gold medalist. I should have asked him to introduce me to the entire ski team when I had the opportunity. Alas! bygone chances and days of yore. Keep smiling, Finn.

From Pacific Air Flight 121:

Who would have thunk it? '06 might be the year that SLJ unseats the Jovian Dude in the pantheon of cult films. Sure, The Big Lebowski has spawned festivals and bowling tourneys, has given rise to some of the best lines ever spoken on the big screen ("Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos."), and has half of the known universe sipping White Russians.

But, here comes Snakes on a Plane.

Wired calls it the "Best Worst Movie of the Year."

The buzz on the net about this film is tremedous, while the few screen shots out there are simply ridiculous.



Yes, that's Kenan Thompson--current SNL playa and alumnus of Nickelodeon's All That. He's the lunchbox that coined the phrase "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger; can I take your order?" God, how I hope snakes are attracted to bling. Like nerds to the internet.

Howabout the run-up the to premiere? You know SLJ will make the late-night rounds: Conan, Letterman, etc. I can see it now:

Dave: I think it's safe to assume that the snakes are gonna bite some people in this film. heeheehee.
Paul: Snakes on a plane!
Samuel: Yes they deserve to die AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!

right. shoot me for that one.

Act now and get your very own S oa P t-shirt for only $13.50.



Urban Dictionary (dot com) currently lists 6 entries for the expression "snakes on a plane." As you can imagine, I'm sort of partial to the example given under #6.

Guess who's also in the film. No, not Julianna Margulies. Oh wait, yeah she's in there too. Actually, I was talking about David Koechner, a.k.a. Champ Kind of the Channel 4 News Team.



Whammy.

This shit is great. Thank you Indra Jahalani for explaining the appeal of such a film: camp is popularity plus vulgarity plus innocence.

Oh yeah, I made sure to spread the word about the film this week at Copper:



On that note, I'll leave you with a few more pics from the mountain. This first one has Schuyler shouting Geico fo ya moneeeeeey.













Stitch out.